Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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