can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
