U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
