Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
