I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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