i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
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i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
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She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize