she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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