that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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