I puked a lego.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
