had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
