Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
