I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
