I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
