so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
