How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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