What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
