I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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