I can't breathe out the right side of my face
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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