I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
