i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
