You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
