You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
