took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
