there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
