Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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