Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
