you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize