Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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