Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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