So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
