my mouth tastes like poor choices
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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