Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it because I queefed?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
