Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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