and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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