i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
