I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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