on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
