i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
