his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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