We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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