I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
