I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
