I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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