Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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