He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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