You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
