I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Barsexuality is the new black.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
