If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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