so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
