This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
