I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
