Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
