The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think my moral compass just broke
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
