I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
