So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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