I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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