i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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