I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Randomize
