i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
