He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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