shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
