Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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