im drinking this country out of the recession.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
