i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is Oprah even human
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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